Home Again, Home Again

I've been absent this week due to being in a funk.  Yes, a funk.  Not the super fun James Brown kind, but more of the I don't want to do ANYTHING kind. 

Why you ask?  My hubby has been out of town for a week!  Before this week we'd spent all but maybe a handful of nights apart since we became a couple.   Suddenly, I was on my own for a week and of course I missed him, but I was on high alert for the last week.  Especially in the evenings.  Because, I'm a scardey cat.




I used to live alone in an apartment and did that for about a year.  I was fine except for those few times there were ruckuses in the hall.  Now we live in a house and I no longer have the safety net of a neighbor four feet away who could hear me scream in case of an emergency.  Now, it's just me, in a house, with two over protective dogs who bark when a car door slams and makes it that much worse.

Of course I know that it's very unlikely that something would happen to me.  I know that people stay home alone all the time.  My friend Tiffany (an American) even stayed alone in an old German farmhouse by herself for a year.  Unfortunately, I'm not that brave.  I stayed up as late as possible and then took forever to fall asleep as I listened for noises outside and in the house.  (I watched Ace of Cakes a lot.)  The first night was the worst because we have an avocado tree right outside our bedroom window and raccoons and opossums like to kick it here in the middle of the night, and they chose that very first night.  So I'm just laying in bed listening to them walk around on my porch.

 Unfortunately, I've always been this way.  Ever since I was a little girl I've been paranoid.  I remember being 6 or 7 and going upstairs to go to bed and turning every light on as I went.  Because in my kidlet (and current) mind, everything will be okay as long as the light is on.  I also have to have the blinds closed at night.  Nothing creeps me out more than sitting in a lighted room and not being able to see outside.  Someone could be watching you.  Creepy!

I think it's a bummer that we live in a world where I'm scared like that.  I don't think it's fair that a woman is scared in her own home.  It definitely didn't help that when I was a kid a high profile kidnapping happened in my home town and all our parents were on high alert until he was caught.  That's probably where I get my fear.  It's something that I wish I could kick, but I think no amount of kick box training or karate would be able to ease my mind.   


Anyway, I'm very happy because in about 2 hours my hubby will be home and I'll be picking him up at the airport.  I'm excited to have him home and to finally sleep easy.